I decided to stop working. I stopped my day job so I could rest and I stopped doing any photo session since the Hemorrhage. On Friday of that week, my Dr notified me to let me know that my Progesterone came back in the normal range, but on the low side. They wanted me to double my Progesterone and I felt at so much peace with that. I truly felt as if my body was super fragile the whole time. I started that Friday and by Monday my bleeding had stopped! I had bled for 2 weeks and for it to stop meant the world to me.
I took the rest of that week off as well and rested around the house. I can tell you that I am not made to do nothing. It was depressing and miserable but totally worth it. I also felt calm and at peace being at home. I started to get scared and paranoid leaving my house for anything, even if I stayed in the car. I truly felt traumatized.
I decided to go back to work Memorial Day weekend, which in turn makes me work alone 2 days in a row. That also scared me because I am a mandatory worker and I can’t leave my work desk alone and if something happens to me I decided that I was leaving! I talked to my boss and we did work something out so that helped me a ton.
The first weekend of June, my husband wanted to take me out on a date to dinner and a movie. We also ran a couple of errands, but each time I would need to get out and walk, I would rest or come home and lay down. I guess I over did it, because that weekend after the movie, I started spotting again.
The next weekend, I walk in the mall to grab some wallflowers from Bath and Body Works and in the store I start to sweat, get dizzy and cramp. I had to leave and sit down on the bench. I remember my husband looking at my forehead because I was dripping with sweat and I looked at his forehead and saw nothing, so I knew it was me.
I have tried to start wanting to do photoshoots 100 times and just make them short and everytime I do something small I’m not well. I know that this is a season for me to rest and I will take it. I have grown so close to the Lord during this time and want His will in my life. He has blessed me with a child that only He can give and I am appreciative of that. His timing is perfect!
When I say that His timing is perfect, that is because when Joseph and I thought that last year was going to be the best timing, it wasn’t! Joseph couldn’t of been there for me as much as he has been if he was in school and working a part time job. The thought of going on bed rest and running out of time from work and still helping to provide would have been a lot on my plate and I know I would of worried about it. Knowing that Joseph was done with school and if he needed to go work 10 jobs to provide, I know he would have.
Something that I want every woman out there know to know who may be struggling with getting pregnant is that science only goes so far. I know plenty of stories where women had success with IUI and IVF and that is a God send too. I also seen so many women over the years be told that they could never have children and go on to have one or multiple successful pregnancies. If it is God’s will, He will make it happen, in His timing!
As I am writing this I am actually 15 weeks today. I have a ways to go and I am grateful for each day that I am pregnant. I still worry at times, I still check for spotting, but I also pray everyday for Gods will. I pray that this baby will arrive early December happy and healthy and I pray for an easier pregnancy with no more complications, but if for some reason some do come up, I am going to rest in God and have faith that this baby will make it!
I remind myself that this baby isn’t really mine. God has let me have this baby on this earth, but in reality this child is Gods child and that I am chosen to be their mother on this earth.
I have kept this pregnancy private because it’s been a rollercoaster. I have too many times than I would like have been excited, announced a pregnancy to then turn around and say the baby didn’t make it and I HATE IT! I talked to Joseph and I was leaning more towards 20 weeks when I announced the baby, but how it all fell, I have chosen at 18 weeks. I have a Drs appointment coming up this week and I am excited and scared even though everything is going good. I guess worrying is a mom thing and I definitely have been mama bear since becoming pregnant.
This was my update till 15 weeks. I will be adding as weeks go by and be sharing our journey! Thank you for everyone so far who has read and who has sent sweet messages and checked up on me! It means the world to me!